If you are expecting this site to show a person whose house is spotless, with homemade meals and desert made from scratch on the table every night, the laundry always caught up, my kid always acting perfect and handmade gifts given for every holiday, then you’ve landed on the wrong site.

If you are NOT like the person mentioned above and you want to come hang out with someone who isn’t a Supermom either, then you’ve come to the right place.

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Thursday, February 11, 2010

I Found My Schedule! (from last year)

When I was first laid off from my job, I immediately re-wrote my daily schedule.

I had the entire 24 hours marked off in time slots with activities, chores, even downtime scheduled right down to the minute. I had daily, weekly and monthly lists and goals.

I came across that list today. It was buried under a pile of papers I’ve been meaning to get to for several months now. Old papers that needed to be sorted, filed, shredded, etc. When I saw it, I busted out laughing. Then I felt this sense of guilt come over me because I have come nowhere near that level of perfection. But it did lead to this post!

What was I thinking? No one can schedule every minute of the day. No one that I know of anyway. I’m not Kelly Rippa! Sure, Electrolux appliances show Kelly Rippa as having a perfect life. Great career, kids, social life, a great marriage and great fitness level, which of course is all made possible because of their products, or so they want us to believe. But come on, who lives like that? The commercials intentionally made to be outrageous in their show of perfection are funny and cute, but deep down I find myself resenting them because there is no way I can even come close to that. Heck, I’m as far from that scenario you can get. Not to mention I can’t afford to buy appliances that can do what they do even in the real world. How do they get burners that hot to boil water that fast?

See, in the beginning I figured with all this extra time on my hands I could totally change me in every aspect. I would magically find ways to make more money. I would become fitter than any of the Olympic athletes. My house would be cleaner than Martha Stewart’s and better decorated. I would cook and bake my butt off – wait, that’s an oxymoron. You can’t be a great baker and have a small butt at the same time. I would be a better wife and mother than June Cleaver or by today’s standards, Kelly Rippa. I would work on all my problems and have them fixed by the end of the month. I guess I was thinking I would improve all these areas of my life within three months, leaving the rest of the year to work on the world’s problems, like eliminating world hunger and achieving world peace.

So, what have I done with my time? Well, let’s see. I have a healthy 2 year old who, with all this snow and cold weather right now has a very bad case of cabin fever. Though I won’t win mother of the year – I dressed him up in his snowsuit, boots, hat, gloves to play for 5 minutes in the almost foot of snow we had, only to watch him fall down and couldn’t get up again like in the scene from A Christmas Story. A good mom would have rushed over to help him up, but I had to snap a picture first, stop laughing, put my camera in my pocket, then pick him up. Oh well, he has to have something to talk about in therapy later in life.

I also have a great husband who I rarely see much of because he works so hard. I know he's my husband because it's the same man that walks through that door every night. I mean, the same man wouldn't keep coming back every night if he didn't have to, right? Hopefully come race season we will at least wave to one another when we see each other in the staging lanes.

My house is spotfull, not spotless. There are spots on the bathroom mirror, floors, carpets, clothes, windows, tv and computer screens. There are some spots that actually make me stop and wonder what they are and where they came from. There are some spots that are older than my son I believe.

As far as working on my personal goals in becoming a better person – let’s just say it’s taking longer than the 30 days I gave it last year. So, as for world hunger and world peace, you will have to get along without me for awhile longer. Though I will try and add more to the local food pantry and promise to count to ten before screaming and hand gesturing at the next driver who tailgates me.

Oh, and if anyone is planning on stopping by for a visit, you’ll understand if it takes me 10 minutes to answer the door. As I brush my teeth, wipe the toothpaste off of the bathroom mirror, stack the dirty dishes into the dishwasher upside down and cram the door shut. I also have to throw all toys, clothes, all the self improvement books and organizing your life magazines, into the bedrooms and shut the doors. You may also hear the back door open and shut real fast. Don’t worry, I’m not sneaking out the back. I’m just throwing the garbage can out onto the back deck that is overflowing with dirty pull ups, last night’s leftovers and today’s soggy Cheerios in it. You may see me run by the windows spraying air freshener and hear the can go sailing down the steps as I open the door. Ignore my toddler who is running towards me with a bewildered look on his face with his shirt on backwards and upside down with one mismatched sock in his hand.

I have it all together, really I do. Kelly Rippa has nothing on me. And when I say nothing, I do mean nothing.

Boy, I’m really rippin’ on her! No hard feelings, Kelly. We know it’s really the appliances that make you great. Just kidding. Really, I am.

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