If you are expecting this site to show a person whose house is spotless, with homemade meals and desert made from scratch on the table every night, the laundry always caught up, my kid always acting perfect and handmade gifts given for every holiday, then you’ve landed on the wrong site.

If you are NOT like the person mentioned above and you want to come hang out with someone who isn’t a Supermom either, then you’ve come to the right place.

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Thursday, March 18, 2010

Stay At Home Mom Can Equal Isolation

I never knew how isolating being a stay at home mom can be. When most of the people you knew as friends were at your work, then you then end up staying home with your child 24/7 it be a big shock. You go from being around people all day long to being alone with your child and doing a job that never ends. You feel like you have basically no friends and it can cause you to feel very lonely and depressed.

Trying to stay in contact with your old friends from work sounds good in theory, but never seems to work in real life. You no longer have any connection, the common denominator is gone and you have nothing left to talk about. They move on and you are left missing them more than you ever thought you would.

This happened to me twice. First when I was laid off from my job and second when my horse died, I lost my good friends I had in the horse world. Though my horse friends invited me back to play with their horses, I just don’t feel comfortable doing that. I’m not just some horse crazy kid just wanting to be around horses, I am or should I say was, a horsewoman who had her own horses and liked to help others. Going to either place, work or the barn just to “visit” wouldn’t be the same. Though they would all be nice, I would feel like an outsider. Once I was a friend and co-worker, now I’m just someone they used to know.

So where does that leave me? Who am I now? I am still struggling with this question. I am still identifying myself with what I do. All the modern philosophers say not to do that, but how do you not do that? What do I do with me now? When my whole world revolved around work, horses and racing and all but a little bit of racing is gone, how do I define myself?

I know that I want to be the best mom I can be and I am so grateful I have been able to stay home with him while he’s young. But what do I want to be when I grow up? Besides being my son’s teacher in life, a big responsibility I might add, I also know that leading by example is very powerful. I want my son to know that Mom is more than just someone who cooks, cleans and does laundry. I want him to know that Mom is also a person with dreams, goals and desires of her own. I want him to see me striving for, sometimes failing, trying harder and eventually achieving my goals. By leading by example I want to teach him he can do the same if he wants to bad enough.

Due to current finances since I am not earning a paycheck, I am not able to follow my dream of having horses and teaching children, a calling I have felt for many years. So I must somehow find another way to identify myself. I only hope I hear when God tells me which direction to go now.

I just realized while typing this, I know one thing for certain - I want to be a good mom. I guess that is just one part, a very important part, of who I am supposed to be. Because if I mess that up, nothing else I ever accomplish will really matter.

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