As I stand here for what feels like the millionth time doing dishes, I feel the weariness settle in.
Today being like most days passed by in a blink of an eye. The night is closing in fast and I feel the urgency to hurry up and get done so I can go on to the next task. I sigh deeply and think about all that still needs to be done before I get to lay my head down.
I straighten up and crack my aching back and I find myself feeling jealous of all those other lucky moms that have a working dishwasher. Money is so tight that some things just have to wait their turn to be repaired or replaced.
I feel so alone and while I listen to my husband and son watch TV and relax, I feel the anger start to creep up. I feel angry over how I never get to “clock out” of my job. I feel angry over the fact that I worked hard to put a nice dinner on the table and no one bothered to say thank you. I feel angry at all these dirty dishes I have to wash by hand. I plunk another wet plate down into the dish drain.
It was at that moment that I heard it – the thought. The thought, those words that only can come from Him, God. And he said, “It could be like before, you know. Quiet, dark, lonely and not as many dishes to wash. Remember?”
I remember, Lord. I remember that emptiness, the loneliness, the sadness. Thank you for reminding me. Thank you for the many dirty cups, plates and piles of crumbs under the table. Thank you for the constant interruptions and endless messes to clean up.
I smile with wearied joy as one of my messy interruptions trots in to tell me about one of his toy cars. He turns to walk away as I put one more wet plate in the dish drainer, this time with a more gentle hand. Then I hear him say, “I love you, Mama.”
Then I feel the warmth of love poor over me from above and from below from my sweet little one. I reply my, “I love you , too honey.” With a sense of gratefulness that had been lacking just moments earlier.
Funny how fast chores go when you look at them in the new light of being grateful for having so much to do and the ability to do them.